Aging has allowed me daily periods of quiet contemplation without any twinges of guilt. In the mornings, caressing a mug of coffee with just a touch of cream, I find my favorite chair and sit and let the silence wash over me. I release my mind from its work cage and let it wander all about. It takes me to forgotten places of the past or has me journey on unfamiliar roads full of things that might have been.
In over 50 years of self-inflicted hustle I did not feel deserving of such a daily treat. I had things to do, places to go, games to play and people to appease. Large blocks of time were distorted by my need to impress and my appetite for alcoholic beverages. I don’t look back on any of those times with self-loathing. All of my past, even times on my scary roller coasters, is what makes up the worthy person I know I am today.
So I deserve to just sit there, allowing my coffee mug to cool in my hands, before slowly preparing to participate in all the kindness and love that surrounds me.