I’ve received a valuable reminder today. When tragedy hits individuals I love and I wish to offer support, the words I should never utter, no matter how well intentioned, are “I know how you feel.”
At times, this can seem to me like a kind and heartfelt response to someone in pain. It may even be honest in that I believe I have felt similar hurts through painful experiences of my own. Yet, the truth is, I do not know how the other person feels. So many personal elements are at play. How presumptuous of me.
In place of this phrase, I am reminding myself to do one or several of the following:
Say nothing. My presence is enough. I will listen.
Say I am sorry for their loss or pain.
Provide the healing power of touch.
Offer simple, practical ways of helping (water the flowers, watch the grandkids, fix a meal).
I’m sure none of you needed this reminder. But it’s been a good one for me.