To: My Body
As of today, August 19, 2022, I am filing a formal complaint against you.
Sure, we have had our great times. We climbed mountains together. We walked across Idaho, Tennessee, Iowa and many other stunning states. We competed in 10K runs and didn’t finish last. We played tennis, basketball, golf, handball and a host of other sports where we showed above average skills. I still show off a tarnished third place bowling trophy we won in Wisconsin.
You will probably blame me for why our relationship took a turn for the worse. I may have abused you a bit. Drank a bunch of beer and other stuff. Stayed up too late many nights. Failed to use sunscreen or dental floss. My judgment was not the best – but you didn’t do me any favors by always going along with my careless behaviors in my younger days.
Why have you chosen to punish me now? (I’m talking about the heart attack, hip replacements, back surgeries and other mean-spirited illnesses you tossed my way.)
And where is that Slightly Used Body Exchange Store?