Full disclosure: A wee bit of poetic license has been incorporated into this post, but the bird’s-eye conclusion is rock solid.
It was nice getting the old Hiram Scott Research Department back together to solve a major environmental concern.
INTRODUCTION
Professors Tellock and Forconi and student assistant Tiny Miller volunteered to fly out to Washoe Valley, Nevada, to uncover why there were loud squawks and screeches, lasting for hours, coming from tree branches and rooftops. The conjecture was that the birds present — the northern mockingbird, the western scrub jay and the great-tailed grackle — were far too handsome and beautiful to make such horrific sounds.
METHODOLOGY
Tiny Miller climbed the huge oak tree to explore the origin of the creaking gate noises as professors Tellock and Forconi attempted to attract the birds by imitating the eerie sounds while consuming a dozen glazed doughnuts.
RESULTS
It was determined that the eerie sounds indeed came from these three species of birds, even though they look so exquisite and dazzling.
GENERALIZED LESSON LEARNED
When attractive film stars, fetching singers or sports pundits start feeding you advice on politics, medicine or the purpose of life, just remember the lesson learned from the great-tailed grackle, the western scrub jay and the northern mockingbird.
INTERESTING SIDE NOTE
Tiny Miller built a nest high on a branch of the giant oak and has refused to come down.
Me and Mark