In my junior year of high school, my folks took off on vacation for a week and left the care of our apartment in my capable hands.
What responsibility! What opportunity. I called the gang to let them know it was open season at the Kuhl place.
Being an entrepreneurial superstar at this young age, I knew I needed careful planning. I made a list of rules and clean-up details. I assigned set times for the two bedrooms so couples could make out without being disturbed but not go over set time limits.
I assigned Bobby Richardson, a bright science kid, to keep track of my dad’s liquor bottles, only allowing them to go down to half full and then adding water to bring them back to original levels.
Mouse Mosley, my only friend who shaved, had the beer run detail at Jack’s Liquor Mart. Mouse was known as the Uncarded Kid.
My list gave the job of keeping the bathroom spotless, with no toilet bowl backups, to Velvet Vicroy. She had no prayer of making it into one of the bedrooms anyway.
So Vern and Irene came home with no clue of what had transpired in their absence. My folks complimented me on how nice things looked. I was really proud of myself.
Two years later, when I was celebrating my high school graduation, my mom gave me a wrapped gift in a tiny box. Inside was the soiled list of jobs I had assigned to my friends during my parents’ vacation. Inside was a note that read: Your mom and dad will always love you. Your dad would appreciate it if you don’t water down his liquor bottles again. And give a special thanks to Velvet.
Bottom line: I picked two cool parents.