I’ve survived many frightening situations in my long life, but this Saturday morning beats them all.
Background: My toes are a very private part of my body. I do not allow others to view, much less touch, any one of my toes. Frankly, I’m ashamed of them. My two baby toes have never touched the ground. They rise above, snagging socks and picking up lint and other unidentifiable micro-materials. The rest of them are all crunched up on each foot, like little piglets itching for a feeding.
Worse yet are my toenails. Over the last few years, they have chosen to go in weird directions and feature all colors of the rainbow, particularly an ugly greenish yellow. Recently, they have begun to invade each other’s space and also dig into the soft tissues of the aforementioned toes.
Crisis: At my age, I was ready to just take on whatever pain and bleeding occurs and leave the discovery to the misfortunate undertaker. However, Sherry stepped in (really none of her business) and contacted a close friend of ours who enjoys delving into weird body situations and solutions. Zelda (I’m leaving her real name out to protect her innocence) is coming over Saturday morning to survey and remedy the deformity and its potential medical harm.
I like Zelda a bunch. She’s one of the last people I wish to uncover my major toenail deformities. I’m not even getting into my odor concerns.
Conclusion: I’M SCARED TO DEATH!
So what is your best toe story? (not to be confused with Tolstoy as in “War and Peace”)
IAR syndrome