Dear Saint Peter:
Sir, I have a business proposition for you.
I’ve been waiting for what feels like an eternity to get to the front of the line where you pass judgment on my net worth as a human being. I hope you send me through the pearly gates, but I’m getting a bit nervous. So here’s the deal. People around me are also feeling restless and might enjoy a salty snack. Why don’t we go into partnership on a popcorn stand? It will be wildly popular. The deceased can pay with any currency except bitcoin. When I make it to the front of the line, I’ll turn all the profits over to you as a goodwill gesture and security deposit on my final judgment.
Don Kuhl (the guy way back in line wearing a Perry Como sweater and double-pleated black dress pants)
I fear your proposal is misdirected and a few years too late. My judgment will not be based on your popcorn revenue. Rather, Don, did you show kindness to those around you? Were you boastful or humble as the years clicked along? Did you spread love as you traveled the backroads of America? Were you truthful and honest in your business deals and personal relationships? And Don, as I glance at your chart, this is particularly important in your case. Did you seek forgiveness and make amends when you screwed up?
P.S. That is a good-looking Perry Como sweater.