All the famous publishing houses are clamoring for our book, “199 Things That Drive Aging People Nuts.” My guess is they will be offering us huge sums of advance payments. I can envision long lines of purchasers extending around the block at Barnes and Noble bookstores.
My friends and I have started the list, but we need your help. Make your beefs brief. Make them original to you. Share your pain or disgust with gusto.
- Waitresses who call me honey or sweetie because they think I’m a very old man.
- Waking up with a sleeping injury. How did I hurt my back dreaming about grocery shopping?
- Any gym class that asks me to jump rope.
- Socks that don’t have any interest in getting on my feet — or matching for that matter.
- Friends who wish to show me photos of their vacation but spend 20 minutes trying to find them on their phone.
- Pill bottles with tiny print you need a microscope to read.
- Golf cart buddies who automatically drive up to the tees that are closest to the hole.
- The loud crackling of my knees when I tiptoe downstairs, trying not to wake the dog.
- Cashiers who have no idea how to make change for a dollar.
- Doctors who tell you your latest ache or pain is not worth treating because you are too old.
- Pepper shakers that take an hour of exercise to get small quantities of pepper to appear.
- Toilets made for very short or acrobatic people.
- Anyone who doesn’t know who Walter Cronkite was.
- Purchasing a product that can not be opened without major industrial tools.
- People who are sure that the only thing you want to talk about is your latest medical procedure or what you had for lunch yesterday.
Rules for life