Warning: This blog post has no redeeming qualities.
Friends refuse to ride in my 2011 Toyota Highlander because it houses mice and has for several years. They don’t care that the mice hide when I have passengers. They just don’t want to be surprised, and they claim there is a pungent odor, no matter how much Ocean Breeze I spray.
After many efforts to expel the rodents, I decided to put them to good purpose. I applied for a grant from the Hiram Scott Research Foundation to develop a strain of mice who are Culinary Dainty Survivors.
Over rigorous months of experimentation, using all kinds of bait in traditional mouse traps — cheddar and provolone cheese, Skippy peanut butter, Jimmy Dean ground sausage and my own famous chicken gumbo bites — greatness was achieved. My passenger mice learned to meticulously extract all bait from the traps without being guillotined.
Can you imagine! This research breakthrough has so many applications for medicine, venture capitalists, national security and agriculture. My restraint in word count does not allow me to delve more deeply here. However, you may purchase my book, which comes out in June 2027.
THE TRUTH: I have attempted to rid my car of mice for two years using all types of devices. I have failed. My mice do clean up traps without engaging them. The rest of this post is hogwash. I apologize, but at times my imagination goes out of control.
Back to the good old days